‘Don’t Wake
Me Up’
Chapter 1
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, this
morning music became monotonous to my ears.
“Ravana, go wake your brother up. Or
else he will be late for work...AGAIN!” mother screamed.
Waking up Kumbakarna seemed like it
was starting to become my morning chore. Why can’t he just get up when his
alarm goes off? He always blames it on his sleep cycle. Apparently, throughout
the entire morning hours he is always in the “deep-sleep” part of the REM
cycle. Ugh. Why can’t I sleep like that?
“Kumbakarna…..Kumbakarna...GET UP,” I
said, as I violently shook my brother (I gave up being gentle a long time ago).
“Do I need to go fetch the water
bucket again?”
Seriously, if a stranger had to do this
they would think he was dead.
I shouted, “Kumbakarna!” as I doused his face with water.
“RAVANA! WHAT THE HELL, MAN,” a
surprised Kumbakarna bellowed.
“You’re welcome. Consider your
morning wake-up shower a gift. I just saved you ten minutes of getting ready. We
all know you need the extra time,” I explained myself as I walked out of his
room.
Chapter 2
It’s not my fault. Ravana doesn’t
believe me that I really do sleep very, very deeply. He is just jealous because
he has difficulty sleeping. Or maybe I have some sort of sleep disorder. Oh
well. He is just trying to help me. I’ll be sure to thank him at some point.
Mmmmmm. This
oatmeal is so good. It’s probably my favorite thing to eat as the finale to my
breakfast.
My mom peered into the fridge. “Kumbakarna,
did you use all of the eggs again? There were ten left in the carton! And you
finished the bacon! Good Lord, you are eating me out of house and home!”
“I’ll go to the store after work,” I
responded.
I’m just always so hungry.
Especially after I wake up from a long, deep sleep…which is every night.
Chapter 3
It never ceases to astonish me that Kumbakarna makes it to work on
time. And how does he have time to make and eat those ginormous breakfasts?
Ravana. Focus.
First period is always a struggle. I guess I’ve been awake long
enough and the timing is just right for my mind to wonder. I’m just going to
rest my head...just don’t doze off.....come on...just.....stay....awake..
“Sir, the
monkey army is too large for us to win this battle!
They are
overpowering us.”
“Go and wake my brother. He is our last hope!
“Sir, we prefer to avoid waking your giant brother.”
“I know that this is a challenge, but we need his anger
combined with his hunger to defeat the monkeys. When
he wakes, he will experience a feeling called ‘hangry’ and
we can suggest that he devours the monkeys! Now, go!”
SLAP. I shot straight up in my desk while the breeze from the
ruler hitting the desk grazed my face.
“RAVANA! Do not sleep in my class. I hope to never have to tell
you that again. Drink coffee if you need to. This is unacceptable,” my
professor sternly stated.
“I’m sorry, Professor.”
 |
| Kumbakarna in battle. Source: Comicvine |
Author’s Note
In Narayan’s Ramayana, Rama and his army (made up of mostly monkeys), are attempting to defeat Ravana. Ravana realizes that he is at the disadvantage, so he asks a servant to wake Kumbakarna, Ravana’s brother. Kumbakarna is
incredibly difficult to wake up and when he finally wakes, he is very hungry.
Kumbakarna agrees to aide Ravana in the fight and helps by devouring the monkeys. Rama
ends up killing Kumbakarna.
I wanted to take a more modern-day approach to this story and add
a couple perspectives and dialogue in hopes that these techniques helped to add
creativity to my story. In Narayan's version of The Ramayana, the story of waking up Kumbakarna is fairly brief, so I decided to expand on this portion of the story. Also, this part caught my eye because
some mornings I can relate to how hard it is for Kumbakarna to get up. Other
big differences include Kumbakarna and Ravana’s characteristics (they aren't
portrayed as evil in my story). Also, I portray the battle scene as Ravana’s dream in my piece and the battle is is not as detailed as it is in
Narayan’s Ramayana.
I selected an image of Kumbakarna in his beginning stages of
waking up. A lot of the images I found portray him as a giant, which isn't
necessarily how I remember Narayan’s Ramayana describing him. I really wanted
to use this other image that showed Kumbakarna eating monkeys (I thought it fit
my story the best), but when I clicked on the ‘Visit Page’ to find the image,
it was not on that site.
Bibliography
Narayan, R. K. (1972) The Ramayana: A Shortened Modern Prose Version of
the Indian Epic.
Your story was so creative! I loved reading it. Focusing on the detail of waking Kumbakarna up, was a great way to expand on a small detail of the overall story. Setting it in the modern day was cool. I liked the different perspectives of Ravana and Kumbakarna. The ending was my favorite part when the battle was just a part of Ravana's dream as he dozed off in class. Great job!
ReplyDeleteWow! I loved your story, Emily. I really liked your choice in formatting. It was clear and really helped to transition from each characters perspective. The dialogue in particular was very clearly written and formatted, good job! Your choice in picture was also very nice. It fit both the story and the dream battle well, because he is in battle but still yawning because he was just woken up. I did notice that I could not find your picture whenever I clicked on the link you provided. It actually showed a pretty cool picture of Ravana instead. I am not sure if that is a problem with the site you used or with your link, but you might want to be aware of that if you use that site regularly for pictures. Your story flowed very well and had an interesting twist. Your creativity really shows in this one! Your final sentence was good. I liked the understated, casual attitude about it: Wow…that was such a weird dream.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE that you use such a different writing style for each of your stories. It makes things that much more interesting. This story in particular was a lot of fun and hilarious. The modernization was unexpected, but so well executed. It perfectly displayed a brotherly struggle that a lot of siblings have gone through. I’m glad you chose to elaborate on Kumbakarna’s wakening since it was brushed over so quickly in Ramayana.
ReplyDeleteHi, Emily! I really enjoyed the stories in your portfolio so far. I really like how they each provide different perspectives of your two main characters. I think you capture the personalities very distinctly in your writing, and the characters are also very relatable. This is especially true since you set the story in a modern day setting, which is a great twist! Perhaps the most relatable aspect for me is Kumbakarna’s deep sleep and his subsequent “hangry” attitude after waking up. I definitely relate to that. I think my favorite technique you implemented in your story is the addition of the original epic as a dream. It makes the story much stronger and I’m curious to see how it will play out.
ReplyDeleteAs I read, I noticed a slight error, which was the scene in which Ravana yelled at his brother to wake up. The text should read, “shouted at his face” instead of “as his face.” Other than that, your chapters are very well-written and organized.
Hey Emily!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely loved your story! You made a great choice at writing each chapter from another character's perspective. This gives a lot more insight into each character, and it really allows us to get to know each character on a deeper level. If you didn't write from each characters perspective I would feel like we are missing out on something.
You did a great job modernizing the characters! I definitely have felt like Kumbakarna a few times in college. Also I liked that you still left a lot of their original selves in the new characters. Also adding the dream that Ravana has while he falls asleep in class was perfect! The picture you chose was perfect also. It really fits the description of Kumbakarna. I would hate to be his mother since he has such a gigantic appetite. Great job so far! I can't wait to see what other chapters or stories you right the rest of the way!
Emily, what a wonderful story! I had the chance to read it when you initially wrote it and it was even better the second time! It is such a different take on the story. Ramayana very quickly brushes over the story of Kumbakarna and this modern day rendition is a lot of fun. The dialogue is a little risky considering all the rules and complications with spoken writing but you nailed it! It really adds such a personal, colorful individualism to each character.
ReplyDeleteThe only error I found was in the statement “… saved you ten minutes of getting ready…” The formatting is a little weird and would make more sense as “saved you ten minutes of your time” Or something like that. I realize it is dialogue and may be what we would say naturally, but written down it was a little strange to the eye.
Other than that I loved the story! I’m glad I got the opportunity to read it a second time!
Great story idea! I like how you modernized the characters and gave it a light-hearted mood totally unlike the mood surrounding them in the Ramayana. Kumbakarna and Ravana just seem like your average brothers in this story, although they're actually bloodthirsty demons.
ReplyDeleteOne suggestion I have is to re-read through the story specifically looking at tenses, and make sure that when you switch between past and present throughout the story, it is appropriate to do so and doesn't take away from the fluidity of the story. There were several areas in the story that I noticed it was mostly past then suddenly present for a sentence or two.
It was interesting how Ravana experienced the battle scene as a dream instead of it happening in real life. Indeed, the whole story or any part of it could have been someone's dream. I've had some dreams that could easily find their place in a storybook.
I thought you did a great job with this story! It was a really fun, modern approach to something that can seem so minuscule in the original story. But you did such a great job at executing this creative idea. I thought it was fun, and the formatting was different. It kept me really engaged. I think it was kind of fun that you made it a dream rather than a real-life event so that it could fit into your modern-day approach for this story.
ReplyDeleteSome suggestions that I have would be to proofread your story a few times. I noticed some grammatical and sentence errors. It should be easy to find them if you just read the story out loud. But fixing these could improve your story by helping the fluidity and flow for the reader. I would also look at verb tense and make sure you're not switching back and forth between them. But other than that, I thought you did a great job! I'm looking forward to reading more from you!
Hey Emily!!
ReplyDeleteI can definitely relate to Ravana in your story. I’m a very light sleeper and cannot even comprehend how some people seem to just sleep through ANYTHING. I love that you gave both characters an internal monologue and gave conflicting opinions on what it means to sleep in!
My favorite line from your story is when Kumbakarna says that oatmeal the “favorite thing to eat as the finale to my breakfast.” This reminded me of the line that the hobbits from Lord of the Rings say about having second breakfast. (Sorry that must not make any sense if you’re not familiar with Lord of the Rings)
That picture you have of Kumbakarna is perfect! I like how he is even yawning in it! Overall, I found your story really creative and felt that it was very fun to read. I love the contrasting personalities you gave to Ravana and Kumbakarna. Great story!!
Hi Emily! I really loved your story! I chose to read this story because of the title. It sparked my interest and I wanted to find out what “Don’t Wake Me Up” was all about and I am glad I chose this story because it was great! I really like the modern twist you put on the story. It really makes it unique. I liked your dialogue. It was casual between the two and really worked to show their relationship. I think it is really cool that you broke the story up into chapters in order to show both perspectives! I also really like how you made Ravanna a student in a classroom. You did a great job of displaying your creativity through the story! And I thought it was funny that Ravanna fell asleep in class after working so hard to wake Kumbakama!
ReplyDeleteWonderful job and I am really looking forward to reading more of your stories as the semester continues!
Hi Emily! I started this week by reading "Don't Wake Me Up". I really enjoyed this story, though at first I did not really know what story you were trying to tell (I did eventually catch on though when I got to the dream). I liked that you put the different perspectives in different pieces of the work, as in different paragraphs, but I don't know that different chapters were necessary since they were just over a paragraph long. I liked that you put the original story about Kumbakarna in as Ravana's dream but I would have liked some more details surrounding the dream scene such as what happened when Kumbakarna awoke and then later maybe Ravana telling Kumbakarna about the dream and having some reactions about it. More details in general throughout the story would have been good. I really like what you've done so far but if you were willing to make it longer it would have been good too.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a cute and creative spin off of how sleepy Kumbakarna is! I love that you made Ravana a student who envies how deep his brother can sleep. We are all college students so sleep deprivation is a common factor we all share. I like that you went from chapter to chapter where you get the first person point of view from both brothers. It was really cool that you elaborated on just how deep Kumbakarna’s hunger is every morning because of his deep sleep which he endures every night. I can’t imagine how broke a mother would go if she had children who ate that much every dang day! My favorite part was how you included the word “hangry” as a feeling that Kumbakarna will feel that will make him eat the monkeys. The ending was cute on how Ravana was actually sleeping in class. The irony is hilarious since he doesn’t sleep well and his brother does. Great job!!!
ReplyDeleteEmily,
ReplyDeleteWhat a creative story! I love reading modern versions of these stories, and I think you did a very good job. By splitting up the story into chapters we were able to get a sense of both Ravana and Kumbakarna's inner thoughts as well as some of their personality. Although there is not much integrated from the original story, I still enjoyed reading it. Plus, your author's note explains your creative process really well. By adding a sense of humor to the story it made Ravana and Kumbakarna seem less evil, which I enjoyed. At some point I hope the two shared a joke! They were brothers after all! All siblings have a love/hate relationship, and I think you did a good job of showing that. I thought your writing style was very clear, and you can tell that you proof read. This was a great modern spin on a story that was originally kind of dark. Good job!
Hi Emily. This was awesome! Your story was so funny. I was laughing the whole time I was reading. I really enjoyed the modern spin off of the original version. I think it was a great idea to add the excerpt from the book like you did. The picture you added perfectly describes Kumbakarna. I always find it helpful to have a picture of a character when reading a story to help me visualize what they look like. I love how you combined hungry and angry to make your own word. I will have to remember that the next time I am hangry. Making the original story a part of Ravana's dream was fantastic. I like how you portrayed the two brothers as normal siblings rather than evil demons. The dialogue with the brothers was a great idea for your story. You did an awesome job on this story. I can't wait to see what you write next.
ReplyDeleteHello Emily! I decided to review your portfolio and your stories as my free choice this week! I think that you might be one of the last people who I have not seen a portfolio from yet. Weird huh? Anyways I love the background of your page. It looks so cool. I have never seen anyone else with the same one as you before. It is very colorful. Your Portfolio Guide is flawless! It is the first this that I see when clicking the portfolio tab and you have your comment wall stories on them. Each story has its own brief description following it. Overall your portfolio looks great!
ReplyDeleteI loved your “Don’t Wake Me up” story. The title first reminded me of the song by Chris Brown, called don’t wake me up. Wouldn’t that be cool if you could somehow have that some playing whenever someone clicks on the link to the story? No other student has ever retold this part of the story before. At least that I have read. I like the way you retold the story in a modern-day approach, and also separated each part of the story in chapters. Great job!
Hey Emily!
ReplyDeleteI thought your story was very creative and comical. It’s definitely one of my favorites that I have read in this class so good job! The modern concept was a good twist and I really liked how you alternated which character’s perspective we were looking into each chapter. The transition was great between paragraphs and the structure of you story was good.