Emily, I enjoyed your portfolio story! I like how you’ve incorporated a good deal of dialogue between your characters; I’m pretty sure that you mentioned before that you were going to attempt to include more dialogue in your stores -- well, you’ve just that. The transition from being at home to school flowed effortlessly – good job there. I’m curious as to how this story will relate to the other portfolio stories. Do they have to be related in any way? Nonetheless, I found this to be a very interesting take on the occurrences from the battle in the Ramayana. I do like your background image; however, I feel like your font selection isn’t very conducive to storytelling. Please don’t take offense to that, but it just made me feel like I was reading off of a PowerPoint because of the white background and bold print. I did enjoy the image you selected, however!
Emily, I liked your story "Don't Wake Me Up" quite a lot! The dialogue that you used kept me connected to your story very well. I think it is really great how you made such a small detail creative. Your flow from character to character was right where you needed to be, and writing in a modernized tone was very interesting. You really captured the personalities of the characters in a way that made a small part of the story ultimately a big part!
One thing to just keep in mind is how you use present and past tense. I sometimes have issues with that, so, just make sure to go back through and fix that! Overall, great portfolio!!
Hey Emily! First of all, your portfolio looks good and I really like your blog. You have a neat background, and everything is organized well. I enjoyed your story, "Karma's Letter". I think a letter from Karma is such a unique idea and is an excellent way to express the severe consequences for Kaikeyi's actions. It was interesting that you chose to mention that Dasaratha's death wasn't Karmas doing though! I thought that it was because Dasaratha killed the young boy and therefore was assured that he would die from the loss of a son. I could be wrong though! The story flows very nicely, is easy to read and has a great amount of details. The list of everything that will happen to Kaikeyi is a nice touch, and really pushes the point that Kaikeyi has done something very bad! Great job on this story and I look forward to seeing more!
Hi Emily! Your portfolio looks wonderful and it is very concise. I just finished reading your story, "Karma's Letter" and I have to say I am so glad I did! I have not really known much about Kaikeyi, so reading your perspective on that was really interesting. I liked that you used a letter style to write your story as well. I did notice that you jumped from past to present tense, which is definitely an issue I have sometimes too so just be cautious f that. Other than that, I liked the flow of your details and you captured the characters point of view very well. Great job!
thanks for your comments a few weeks back on my story "The Dream"! I was also having trouble with people only commenting on one of my stories, which is why I added the "New!!" tag for that one.
I'm glad that you enjoyed reading it and appreciated the detail I put into the imagery. I think that with dreams, the imagery and the details are the most important part! I really wanted to make it seem like a real dream. I know my dreams are always kind of weird and have random details about it, so I used what was given in the story and just expanded on that.
I just saw for a second you famous last words for Week 10 - you're going to India!! How exciting! I am very envious. I'm sure you're going to have a really amazing time. What a beautiful culture you will have the opportunity to see. I wish you the best of luck!
Hey, Emily! You have some pretty cool stories in your portfolio. You are a really great writer! You have a great talent in writing and I think that is really awesome. You use great details in order to tell these stories and to grab the attention of the readers. I can tell you have a very creative imagination. Your entire portfolio looks really good and the layout of your blog is nice. I enjoyed reading your story “Karma’s Letter”. I liked the letter style you used to have Karma write a letter to Kaikeyi. The flow and pacing of the story was good and I like that you added a lot of details to it. The list that Karma writes to Kaikeyi emphasizes how evil Kaikeyi is. I’m glad you emphasized that because while reading the story out of the book I really disliked her! Great job so far! I am looking forward to reading more of your stories.
Emily, you are the first person I have met that also has a sibling 10 years older than them. I personally love the gap as well. I have someone I can talk to, and help me solve my problems. It's also kind of like being an only child too, because I am also the youngest!! I have also been told I am super mature for my age! Anyways there is so much I could say about this! If you want to chat more add me on FB! Thanks for the comments!!
Emily, I enjoyed your portfolio story! I like how you’ve incorporated a good deal of dialogue between your characters; I’m pretty sure that you mentioned before that you were going to attempt to include more dialogue in your stores -- well, you’ve just that. The transition from being at home to school flowed effortlessly – good job there. I’m curious as to how this story will relate to the other portfolio stories. Do they have to be related in any way? Nonetheless, I found this to be a very interesting take on the occurrences from the battle in the Ramayana. I do like your background image; however, I feel like your font selection isn’t very conducive to storytelling. Please don’t take offense to that, but it just made me feel like I was reading off of a PowerPoint because of the white background and bold print. I did enjoy the image you selected, however!
ReplyDeleteEmily, I liked your story "Don't Wake Me Up" quite a lot! The dialogue that you used kept me connected to your story very well. I think it is really great how you made such a small detail creative. Your flow from character to character was right where you needed to be, and writing in a modernized tone was very interesting. You really captured the personalities of the characters in a way that made a small part of the story ultimately a big part!
ReplyDeleteOne thing to just keep in mind is how you use present and past tense. I sometimes have issues with that, so, just make sure to go back through and fix that! Overall, great portfolio!!
Hey Emily! First of all, your portfolio looks good and I really like your blog. You have a neat background, and everything is organized well. I enjoyed your story, "Karma's Letter". I think a letter from Karma is such a unique idea and is an excellent way to express the severe consequences for Kaikeyi's actions. It was interesting that you chose to mention that Dasaratha's death wasn't Karmas doing though! I thought that it was because Dasaratha killed the young boy and therefore was assured that he would die from the loss of a son. I could be wrong though! The story flows very nicely, is easy to read and has a great amount of details. The list of everything that will happen to Kaikeyi is a nice touch, and really pushes the point that Kaikeyi has done something very bad! Great job on this story and I look forward to seeing more!
ReplyDeleteHi Emily! Your portfolio looks wonderful and it is very concise. I just finished reading your story, "Karma's Letter" and I have to say I am so glad I did! I have not really known much about Kaikeyi, so reading your perspective on that was really interesting. I liked that you used a letter style to write your story as well. I did notice that you jumped from past to present tense, which is definitely an issue I have sometimes too so just be cautious f that. Other than that, I liked the flow of your details and you captured the characters point of view very well. Great job!
ReplyDeleteEmily,
ReplyDeletethanks for your comments a few weeks back on my story "The Dream"! I was also having trouble with people only commenting on one of my stories, which is why I added the "New!!" tag for that one.
I'm glad that you enjoyed reading it and appreciated the detail I put into the imagery. I think that with dreams, the imagery and the details are the most important part! I really wanted to make it seem like a real dream. I know my dreams are always kind of weird and have random details about it, so I used what was given in the story and just expanded on that.
I just saw for a second you famous last words for Week 10 - you're going to India!! How exciting! I am very envious. I'm sure you're going to have a really amazing time. What a beautiful culture you will have the opportunity to see. I wish you the best of luck!
Hey, Emily! You have some pretty cool stories in your portfolio. You are a really great writer! You have a great talent in writing and I think that is really awesome. You use great details in order to tell these stories and to grab the attention of the readers. I can tell you have a very creative imagination. Your entire portfolio looks really good and the layout of your blog is nice. I enjoyed reading your story “Karma’s Letter”. I liked the letter style you used to have Karma write a letter to Kaikeyi. The flow and pacing of the story was good and I like that you added a lot of details to it. The list that Karma writes to Kaikeyi emphasizes how evil Kaikeyi is. I’m glad you emphasized that because while reading the story out of the book I really disliked her! Great job so far! I am looking forward to reading more of your stories.
ReplyDeleteEmily, you are the first person I have met that also has a sibling 10 years older than them. I personally love the gap as well. I have someone I can talk to, and help me solve my problems. It's also kind of like being an only child too, because I am also the youngest!! I have also been told I am super mature for my age! Anyways there is so much I could say about this! If you want to chat more add me on FB! Thanks for the comments!!
ReplyDelete