Author’s Note
I
chose to work the story backwards and made a few changes along the way.
The biggest change is the elimination of opium from my story. The
creation of opium was the final topic of the original story (the mouse
constantly wishes to be changed into something better which parallels to
how an opium addict feels). Since my story directly changes the queen
into a mouse and removes all of the other animal transformations, the
character isn’t constantly wishing for more. Therefore, I found it
unrealistic to keep opium in my story and instead allowed a willow tree
to grow from the well. Willow trees can symbolize sadness, which is how I
feel this story ended.
The Origin of Opium is
a fable from the Folk-Tales of Bengal. It describes a story about a
small mouse who is always wishing for more and a kind Rishi who grants
her wishes. At first, the mouse is the only companion the Rishi has and
so the Rishi gives the mouse a special power to speak. The mouse wishes
to be turned into a cat for self-protection and her wish is granted. The
little mouse, now cat, continually wishes to be changed into something
new. From a cat, she is turned into a dog, then an ape, a boar, an
elephant, and finally a beautiful girl who may charm young princes.
Eventually, the girl captivates a king and becomes his queen.
Unfortunately, she falls into a well and dies, taking her original mouse
form. The prince has the well filled with soil to allow a poppy tree to
grow and therefore the drug opium.
 |
| A well with a plant growing out of it. Source: Wikimedia |
Queen Postomani quietly sobbed herself to sleep. Every morning, she woke up with red, puffy eyes and unhappy thoughts bouncing around in her mind.
You see, before her reign, Postomani was a beautiful maid and lived an honest life. And while Queen Postomani was still quite beautiful, she grew ugly on the inside...........
One day, Postomani was performing her daily chores when a stranger knocked on the door.
She answered, “Hello. What may I do for you today, good sir?”
“I was hoping that I might rest in your home for the day. That is, if it isn’t too much trouble,” the fellow responded.
“Please, come in. May I get you anything?” Postomani graciously waved the handsome man inside.
“A seat will be plenty. What is your name? Pardon me for my straightforwardness, but I must know because your beauty is so abundant,” said the man.
Postomani was quiet. She knew this man was of wealth and power by the way he carried himself. And she, a lowly maid in comparison. Yet, she desired more. It didn’t help that this man was astoundingly attractive.
“Well, your father must have been royal. You’re too striking to be otherwise!” the man exclaimed.
‘Yes! My father was a king, but a tiger ate him. And my mother died giving birth to me,” Postomani lied.
As soon as the words parted from her mouth, she regretted them. It was as if her filter completely disappeared!
“You will fall in love with the palace. Come with me. Be my queen!” the king requested.
Postomani wed the king and followed him to the palace. As every day passed by, the lie grew larger inside of her and made her inner beauty wither.
She could take the pain no longer. Postomani ran into the forest to the Rishi and asked for a wish.
“Oh, dear Rishi. Please grant me one wish!” Postomani wept.
“Child, what is it? What bothers you so harshly?” the Rishi comforted.
“Please. I have let poison seep from my lips. To the king, of all people! I deceived him and I need to pay for my injustice. I wish to be turned into a mouse. So small and lonely that I may not harm another,” Postomani pleaded.
The Rishi, who was kind and understanding, granted the queen’s desire. He allowed her to live in his shack and they kept each other company.
Many years passed by and Postomani occasionally found herself missing the palace. One day, she decided to visit the king. She ventured through the forest and reached its edge to find the vast, royal garden.
If only I could find a higher spot so that I might peer into the king’s window.
That’s when Postomani saw the well.
Perfect!
She hopped onto the well and climbed to the top. She could just barely see into the window as she reached the ledge. Postomani stood on her two hind legs and strained her neck in attempt to get a glimpse of the king. Her paw slipped and she tumbled down into the deep well to find her death lying at the bottom.
Ten years later, the king strolled through the garden and stumbled upon an interesting growth.
What an unusual sight to see! A willow tree sprouting from a well.
Bibliography
“The Origin of Opium” by Rev. Lal Behari Day, from Folk-Tales of Bengal (1912). Web Source: Internet Archive
I really liked your story. The poor woman just had the weight of her lies so heavy on her chest that it made her miserable. And the poor King was so in love with her, only for her to have lied to him and then eventually leave him due to guilt. He must have been so crushed. It was refreshing that she chose to go back and see him, though.
ReplyDeleteI liked this story! It reminds me of the story Cinderella. However, the part about her lying and that causes her to wither away from the inside was awesome. I know whenever I lie I almost can't even take it and I almost end up blurting the truth out to the person. Needless to say I am a terrible liar. Since you went with the UnTextbook and read a new story, the Author's note was extremely useful to me so that I could understand the original story that you based this story from. Great work!
ReplyDeleteHey Emily! After reading your author's note, I was really intrigued by the story that you chose to base yours off of! Your writing is really good, and the way that you changed the story up definitely adds character to it. I literally had no idea that the original story was about opium until you said so in your Author's note. I find it very interesting how the author paired the story to an opium abuser. I really like how you changed it up! Best of luck on future stories.
ReplyDeleteI’m back for another story and once again I’m glad I wandered into your Blog!
ReplyDeleteThis story was cute and concise. Your Author’s Note was really helpful in explain your inspiration for the story. The parallel of constantly wanting more to Opium is quite interesting, but I agree, your story is perfect without it. The way in which you still gave the mouse a cardinal flaw- lying- relates the story to the original into a very good moral of our vices and how they can be punishing, even to the point of death as shown with the poor little mouse.
The only issue I saw was in the line that states “Yes! My father was a king, but was eaten by a tiger…”
You do not need a comma in that statement because your second clause has no new subject such as “he”. I am quite guilty of including that comma also and do it too often… it just seems like it’s supposed to be there!
Other than that I loved reading your story and look forward to reading others!
I enjoyed your story, but I have a few suggestions. You should either put your author's note at the beginning or give the reader a little background information in the beginning on who this person is, how did she become queen? why did she grow ugly on the inside? why is she crying herself to sleep every night? Also, whenever you have her performing her daily chores that word should be was performing, not performed, because it was an action she was in the process of doing when someone knocked on the door and the process was interrupted. Another reason that it would be good to know some background information is because the queen is not living in a palace and thinks of herself as a lowly maid in comparison to the gentleman in her house, which is strange since she's a queen and he's not wearing a crown so is he higher in station than her?
ReplyDeleteHey Emily!
ReplyDeleteI loved your story! I thought you did a great job writing this story! I really liked your author's note because having that at the beginning of your story makes your story easy to follow because we know what is going to happen. I thought it was interesting your parallel between wanting more of something to Opium! I thought it was a good choice to leave out Opium because it makes the story much more relatable. You did a great job relating your story back to the original by having that one major flaw. I thought it was a great choice to make lying be the main problem of the Queen because everyone can relate to telling a lie to try and make something better. I thought it was a great choice to have the Queen turn into a willow tree because it represents the Queen's sorrow for lying to the King. Great job! I can't wait to read the rest of your stories!
Emily, what a great story!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I have to say I loved the layout of your story. I like that you put the author's note first. Since not everyone had read the story of "The Origin of Opium" it was a good way to introduce your take on the fable. You really explained the changes you made, and I like how you eliminated opium from the story completely. I think you made a good decision there, and it made the story more relatable! Second, your writing was very clear and concise. You can tell that you read your story aloud and took the time to look for mistakes. Unfortunately, this is a step I sometimes miss, haha! Last, I really liked the ending of the story. I think you're right, the story has a bit of sadness to it. The Queen turning into a willow tree is kind of sad, especially when the king walks by and recognizes the tree for the first time. I think you did a great job reworking this story, and using your own creative touch. This is the second story I have read in your portfolio and they were both awesome! Good job!